When we got into the exam room, I pointed out the magic wand and Charles' eyes got huge. He started laughing and asked, "THAT has to go up there?" Not the whole thing, but yes! I had told him I would need to get halfway undressed and that I felt gross after a night shift. But it didn't occur to him that the ultrasound wouldn't be on my stomach like on TV!
Dr. Mustache-and-Eyebrows came in (not my regular doctor) and we got right down to business. He said there were 2 mature follicles! Yay! But then he said the risk for twins was increased with 2 follicles that could possibly both hold an egg inside of them, and he said we'd talk more outside. I got dressed and we went out into the hallway where he pulled up my recent labs and we talked about the "super ovulation" I'd had last cycle. I likely had 2 follicles then, too, but we didn't have an ultrasound that time. He said we have options, and he had the nurse take us into the consult room to talk.
The first option we were given was to get the HCG trigger shot which would make the follicles release their egg(s) in 36-40 hours. That sounded really good since I had 3 nights off work and we could pinpoint exactly when this whole thing could go down! But then she said she didn't know if it would be wise to even try getting pregnant this cycle with my kidney issues. The kidney's workload is increased with even just one baby, let alone two. At that point, Dr. Mustache-and-Eyebrows poked his head in, and he said he had been thinking more about it and he would strongly recommend we not get pregnant this cycle. I asked if he thought we should try a lower dose of Femara (which is also the lowest possibly dose and most conservative treatment possible) next time, and he thought that would be a good idea. So, we made the decision to call it a month, and we left the clinic very down-hearted. All that pain and bleeding for nothing. And I still had ovulation cramps and another Femara period to look forward to. :(
We got home, and I totally broke down. It always eventually comes down to "Why do I have lupus? It makes my life so hard! It's not fair!" Charles comforted me for the millionth time, agreed with me that it wasn't fair, and eventually I fell asleep for the day. When I woke up, we had some retail and ice cream therapy.
But then I had a thought! Dr. S said there may be some months when Femara would cause me to release 2 eggs (but no more than that). He hadn't said if we'd need to abandon those cycles or not! I couldn't wait to call the clinic on Sunday morning! The time finally came, and I didn't realize there was no one there, even for phone calls on Sundays. :( So, I took matters into my own hands. I tried to look up studies done regarding the incidence of twins on Femara with 2 mature follicles and timed intercourse. I searched all the trying to conceive forums on a ton of different websites. I talked to 2 girls in my ward and a high school friend who had had trouble conceiving and had been on Clomid and Femara, as well as one friend from work who had undergone IVF. The general consensus was that multiple follicles (2) did mean a possibly higher chance of twins, but it also meant a higher chance of conceiving just one baby as well. I could take that information how I wanted to.
In church, I tried to listen for answers. The Sunday school lesson was on Job. After reviewing all of Job's trials, we ended with reading Job 42:10. "And the Lord turned the captivity of Job, when he prayed... The Lord gave Job twice as much as he had before." No! I don't want twice the blessings!
Many prayers were said that day, and I could see both sides of it. Trust God that He wouldn't give me more than my body could handle. Or don't be stupid and risky and just listen to your doctor! Maybe I didn't get pregnant last cycle because Heavenly Father knew I hadn't had an ultrasound and didn't know I was at an increased risk for twins then, too. I ended up e-mailing Bishop Ritchie because he is the one I go to when I'm in turmoil! I asked him if he thought a blessing to not have twins would be something reasonable to ask for. He said a blessing would be a great idea and that I should always remember Heavenly Father wants to bless me with whatever I need help with. I just need to ask and then have faith! But then he said he was worried about me. Haha! Oh great! My wise and knowledgeable father-figure has doubts, after he told me to go for it.
So, Charles gave me a blessing to not have twins, and I took a pink dye OPK test (my clearblue easy was still negative). Of course, it was blatantly positive! It was now or never. We went ahead with things Sunday night, and I didn't feel panicky before, during or after, so that's good I guess. Now I just have to have faith and trust in His plan for me. I called Dr. S's nurse today as soon as they opened. She talked to Dr. S and he highly recommended I cancel this cycle as well, but he couldn't tell me what to do. The nurse said to go with my gut. Gut, impressions from the Holy Ghost... same thing. I don't feel bad that we tried once. But I think that Dr. Mustache-and-Eyebrows randomly coming into the consult room to specifically warn me meant something, too. I had my ovulation temperature dip this morning, so we had good timing. The two week wait likely starts tomorrow. So we will see...
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