WOW!  2 years has flown by!  Sometimes it feels like I just met Charles, and other days, it feels as if I've known him my whole life.  I mean that all in a good way!  :-)   Even though we've only known each other 2 1/2 years, he really and truly 'knows' me better than anyone else.  We are pretty much on the same page when it comes to the way we think about people, situations, plans, etc.  He predicts my thoughts and emotions very well, and because of that, he takes extremely good care of me.  I couldn't ask for a better husband.  He really is just perfect for me.  I'm so blessed!  Heavenly Father knew exactly what I was looking for and what I personally needed in an eternal companion.  And then He placed Charles in my path.

On July 7th, I worked a day shift (which I absolutely dread, but am willing to do once a week), and then we spent the night at the Lake Powell Suite at the Logan Anniversary Inn.  I just love the Anniversary Inn!  Cheesecake, sparkling cider, jetted tub built into the red 'rock,' huge TV.  Sparkling stars on the ceiling.  Creepy fake lizard and birds watching us.  It was a beautiful night.

On our actual anniversary, July 8th, we went skydiving!  I know, crazy, right?!  Yeah, I was so excited and just thinking, "Wow, we are going skydiving, and it'll be so much fun!  Four of my friends have done this.  No worries!"  And then when we got into the plane and were about to jump, it hit me hard.  What if something happens?  This is absolutely a ridiculous idea.  I want to have children.  I want to grow old with Charles!  I want to live!  haha.  Well, we jumped and it was AMAZING.  No time to think, we just did it.  Couldn't breathe for the minute of freefall, started to panic.  Lots of prayers.  Ears popping like crazy.  The chute opened, thank heavens.  My prayers were answered.  Queasy stomach.  Nice, flowing, gentle descent.  WE JUMPED OUT OF A PLANE AND LIVED!!!  We went skydiving!  Then I threw up in the parking lot!  Lol.

We were too sick to eat a full dinner after that, so we just went to Cold Stone much later that evening.  Love that place.

The next night, July 9th, we ate at the Cheesecake Factory.  I had way too much cheesecake that weekend!  But it was oh, so good!

      
Happy Anniversary, Sweetie!  Love you so incredibly much! 

   

Annie Bananie

I know that a lot of people say that cats don't have owners and that cats are really the rulers of the house, but I think Annie and I had an understanding of each other.  We were more friends than anything.  I don't want to sound like a crazy cat lady (or that freaky girl on e-Harmony!), but I've always just loved them. 

Anyway, I got Annie in 6th grade, nearly 12 years ago.  She was the first girl kitty I'd ever had, and she was just so cute and delicate as a kitten.  However, she meowed A LOT, and she would talk back to me!  Typical girl.  I named her Annie because I was reading "Anne of Green Gables" at the time, and I thought that she meowed as much as Anne talked in the book!  She also had orange fur, which reminded me of little orphan Annie and her red hair. 

We just about lost her when we spayed her and got her kitten shots at the same time.  The vet said there was nothing more he could do.  My mom came home on her breaks and force-fed her kitty mush and water.  Eventually she turned a corner, and she was just fine after that!

When I was in the hospital for 61 days in 2002, she was left alone in the house, only getting a visitor (and her bowl refilled) a few times a week by my sister and bro-in-law.  She became extremely timid and shy because of this point of isolation in her life.  But when Bishop Ritchie went inside to check on the house, she hissed at him and stood her ground!  She was protecting her territory!   

I missed her so much while I was away from her for those two months.  I actually cried more because of that (and homesickness) than because of pain while I was so sick and fighting for my life.  As soon as I came home, the first thing I did was make myself comfortable with Annie in my lap.  We were both totally content then. 

The amazing thing was, after that she became truly MINE.  When I had chemo, she knew when I needed her to cuddle with, and she was so lovey.  She just had a 6th sense.  She could be anywhere in the house and she'd know immediately when loneliness struck and I needed some companionship.  Lonely, sick, sad... Annie was there by my side.

She developed some type of tumor around her left eye a year ago, which we had removed, but it grew back a couple of months ago.  The last week in June, she stopped eating dry food and only nibbled on wet food.  July 1st, she just stopped eating altogether.  I tried to get some water down her, but I kind of felt like I was only prolonging her life.  I spent lots of time at my mom's house, cuddling her and thanking her for being such a good kitty and companion.  She was such a sweetheart.  She was the most gentle, loving, tender cat I've ever had (and I've had quite a few felines in my lifetime). 

I took her to the vet on July 5th and held her while he put her to sleep.  "You have about 5 minutes before the sedative kicks in."  I just cuddled her and talked to her, knowing very well she could still hear me.  When he gave her the shot in her heart, I totally lost it.  He checked her pupils, listened to her no-longer-beating heart with his stethascope, and pronounced her gone.  I cried a little, but the days leading up to it were worse than the actual moment.  I brought her home, curled her up into a ball, gave her some last loves, and wrapped her up in a towel.  Charles had dug her grave before he left for work that day, and I placed her in it ever so gently.  Covering her with dirt was one of the hardest things I've ever done.  My little Annie Cat was really gone.

No more little paw reaching up to touch my arm, begging for food at the table.  No more kneading and extreme purring.  No one to share popcorn or waffles with.  No one to put my mom's dog in her place!  No more watching her chase the laser light or go crazy over catnip.  No more explaining to company that we really do have cat, but she's just allergic to strangers (she was so shy!).  No more talking back to me with a meow that had softened through the years.   

Charles and I spent that evening looking up scriptures and quotes that suggest that we will see our beloved animals again after this life.  They are just too much a part of our lives!  They bring us happiness, contentment, and they teach us how to love and care for them in a special way because they are totally dependent on us.  I know I will see her again.    

I love you, Annie Bananie.
                                                                       July 2011

                                        Autumn 1999 

                           

The Second Trip to the East Coast in May 2011

10 days after we got back from the cruise, we left again!  This time, to Charles' homeland... good ole' Gambrills, Maryland.  It was crazy how it worked out... his mom called and asked us if we could possibly surprise his little brother, Lewis, by showing up at his high school graduation.  I just happened to have 3 days in a row off, one of which was the graduation date.  Perfect.

Day 1: After working a night shift, we jumped right on a plane and got to Maryland around 11:30 PM.  We spent the night in a hotel in Bowie, MD right across the street where from Charles worked as a technician at Saturn.  He cried a little inside as he saw that it had changed to Honda.  :-(   We didn't have a car, so we had to WALK through a Wendy's DRIVE-THRU for dinner.  Pretty funny.  They were going to deny us service for safety reasons, but then decided to help us since we looked nearly-dead from the long day.  Apparently, we are more likely to shoot them if we are walking, instead of driving?  Whatever.

Day 2: The next morning, Cora (his sis) picked us up and we went to the graduation.  Arundel High School wanted to show off their new football field and so that's where the graduation was.  Only problem?  It was 95 degrees and extremely humid.  The old people were dropping like flies.  Good thing there were ambulances stocked with plenty of IV fluids standing by...

It was awesome to see Lewis walk, and his whole family was just so proud of him for going back and finishing high school (he is a couple years late!).  After, we ate out at a sushi Chinese buffet.  Not my favorite.  I found a nice garden salad and desserts I liked though.  haha.  For the rest of the day, we just hung out at their house and caught up on everyone's lives.  We finished the night by going to see "Pirates of the Caribbean: On Stranger Tides."  Movies definitely cost a lot more in Maryland; I will never complain here again!

Day 3: Charles, Lewis, their mom and I all rode the Metro into D.C.  We spent a lot of time in the Smithsonian and saw some pretty cool things I had only heard about in history classes.  Then we went to the Holocaust Museum and this was extremely humbling.  I am so grateful I have never been persecuted because of my beliefs.  What they went through was horrendous and totally unnecessary.  That's all we had time for, so we took the Metro back to where his dad picked us up.  Glad we got to see more of D.C. 2 years ago. 

2 things I hated about this day: The Metro makes you pay an EXIT fee.  WTH?!  After you get off the train, you cannot get out of the station until you pay more money!  Wow, I love Front Runner.  Also, people are so incredibly rude there!  We were waiting in a line of cars and someone wanted to get into the line in front of us.  His dad, being the nice guy he is, stopped and waited for the car to pull into the line.  The car behind us started honking and the lady started screaming at us to "Move the f*** up, you d*** idiot!"  Yep.  We were not in Utah anymore.

We ended the night by being totally whooped by his mom in Scrabble.

Day 4: We slept in, and I think I finally got caught up on sleep.  We hung out with his dad, picked his mom up at work, and got yelled at by the National Security Agency for not going to the correct pick-up point.  They said what we were doing "looked awfully suspicious."  We were sitting at the corner, waiting.  Yes, suspicious indeed.  Anyway, then we drove around for 2 hours, looking for the Ronald Reagan D.C. Airport.  We usually use the Baltimore International Airport, but we saved $200 by using the D.C. airport.  I understand why now... we used $200 in gas trying to find it!

All in all, a quick, but fun trip to visit the inlaws.  Each time I go, I'm even more grateful to live in Utah!

Here are some pics!


Lewis was definitely surprised!

Arundel High Alumni!  2001 Represent!

Disgusting mini octopus that Charles didn't even like.  That's saying something.

Little and big brothers.

Martha Washington's Inauguration Ball Dress

"There's No Place Like Home"  You can say that again!

Steel beam from the World Trade Center

The actual Wright Brothers first plane

Washington Monument

Memorial in the Holocaust Museum. 
Dirt from the sites of the concentration camps is at the base of this fire that never stops burning.

The Burt Family
Me, Charles, Jared, Jill, Lewis, Cora

 

    

        

Perfect Timing

Did you know how amazing my blog friends are?  'Cuz they are!  Thank you for your comments, Sarah, Jamie, Kathryn, Jackie, and Karen.  You all have given me so much to think about, so much encouragement, and I just really appreciate your support.  Here's an update:

The month of May was spent on the phone with Leave of Absence people, insurance people, and many texts back and forth with Charles.  Also much crying.  Here's what we have learned recently:

1. With FMLA, I can take up to 12 weeks off in a calendar year.  So if I used it before the baby is born, I couldn't get anymore time off afterward unless it was approved by my manager.  And she isn't the easiest person to talk to... she doesn't like it when nurses go from Full-Time to Part-Time after having a baby. 
:-(

2. Even if I do get Long-Term Disability, it doesn't guarantee me my job after 12 weeks, it just replaces my income.

3. I'm currently taking out Short-Term Disability, but again, I'm not guaranteed my job after I've been gone for 12 weeks.  I just get 60% income replacement.  I don't need 6 months of income replacement... I need my job!

4. I am a nurse at Primary Childrens Medical Center!  I take care of kiddos with brain and spinal cord tumors, brain-injured kids who have been in traumas I couldn't imagine, whose lives are changed by the accident.  And I get to see them recover and get back to whatever level of functioning they've worked so hard to achieve.  I can honestly say that I really love my job.  

5. We need my job.  Charles left his job as manager of Shell Rapid Lube, and he took a slight pay-cut in the process.  We still need me to be the sugar-mama for a little while til he rises up the management chain again at his new job.  His new boss said he wants him as a manager ASAP, but how much truth is in that and how fast will that really happen?

6. I e-mailed multiple international adoption agencies with an extremely heart-felt letter.  Charles said after reading what I wrote, "I would give you a baby even if I were the meanest person in the world."  I really tugged at some heart-strings with the story of my own adoption.  But all I have gotten back are negative replies because I am apparently too young to be considered a good mother and we apparently aren't in a stable marriage (India Government Requirements: parents must be older than 30 and married for 5 years).

7. Apparently, we aren't supposed to have a baby now or in the coming year(s).

8. We get to spend more time together and travel more, which is something I can live with.  But I can't live without getting a baby in the next year or two, so I'm not giving up hope.

9. The Irony of the Cruise - We were going to start trying to conceive on the cruise, so when we found out we couldn't/shouldn't, thinking about the cruise was really bitter-sweet.  But in the end, it was the best thing we could've done to get an escape from life.

10. Pictures take forever to load on here, so please check out my FB page to see cruise pics.  But I will put a few here for your viewing enjoyment.

We played in the jungle.

We met some awesome people.

We ate A LOT of stuff I can't even pronounce.

We explored where the Lamanites once walked.

We saw some tropical fish and coral reef.

We spent way too much money!

 

And we enjoyed ourselves in the Caribbean sun.

      

Someday...

6 months after marriage (January 2010) - Wanna have a baby?  Sure!  We both love kids, why not?  Yeah, but let's wait a little longer.  Ok, all they do is eat, cry and poop anyway. 

1 year anniversary (July 2010) - Our marriage is so much stronger, and we love each other even more than our wedding day.  I think we're almost ready to add a little one.

2nd anniversary of our first date (November 2010) - Let's go take a walk by the Reflection Pond and talk about the future, our hopes, our dreams.  I think I'm ready for this, are you?   Yes.

Rheumatology appt. (December 2010) - We want to start trying in the upcoming months.  What do I need to do to prepare, Dr. Dames?  Get tested to see if I am at a higher risk for blood clots?  check and negative.  Get tested to see if I would give a little one neonatal lupus? check and negative, thank goodness.  Stay on Plaquenil even though there are mixed studies about what pregnancy category it should be in?  well, ok, i guess...  Meet with a high-risk OBGYN?  definitely!

Nephrology appt (January 2011) - We want to start trying in the upcoming months.  What do I need to do to prepare, Dr. Agarwall?  Go off my cholesterol meds?  okay, i'll just eat healther and go to the gym more religiously.  Change my blood pressure med? ok, no problem.  Pre-eclampsia doesn't typically happen until week 20?  sweet!  Early delivery? oh, well, i guess we could handle a NICU baby.

High-risk OBGYN appt (February 2011) - We want to start trying in the upcoming months.  What do I need to do to prepare, Dr. Lister? Change a few of my meds to be pregnancy category healthy? sure, let's try them! Start a baby aspirin daily to prevent blood clots, thus preventing a miscarriage?  sure.  Start a Prenatal Vitamin? YES, oh my heck, I'm taking a prenatal vitamin!  Sweet!  Expect lots of bedrest, hospitalizations, an induced labor, and NICU time for a possible premature little one?  Be prepared for a late term miscarriage/stillbirth?  *swallow lump in throat* i'm more than willing if it means we can really be parents, even if they are only with us for a little while.

Temple trip (March 2011) - Heavenly Father, we've put a lot of research into this, we've worked hard, and we want to start our family.  Is that what we're supposed to be doing?  ...  the answer to my prayers came as a shift of focus from "Should we?" to "Please HF, don't let my body reject this.  I want a baby in my arms so badly."  Charles felt like a little one was very anxious to come down right then as we were praying!

The decision (March 2011) - Western Caribbean cruise in May has been booked since October.  We still need to go through with this and enjoy ourselves on the last vacation with just us two.  And heck, I wanna go ziplining and enjoy the midnight buffets without puking my brains out!  Okay, so let's start trying to conceive on the cruise.  Perfect.

Today (May 2, 2011) - e-mail from the benefits department: "Leaves of Absence only cover you up to 12 weeks.  For anything longer than that, you'll need Long-Term Disability.  If you don't have Long-Term Disability, you will need to wait for a life changing event or open enrollment."  Pretty sure that bedrest, hospitalizations, recovery, possibly lupus flaring after birth, etc. will require more than 12 weeks of leave.  I need LTD.  And I don't have it.  Charles has looked into individual health insurance.  They won't even consider taking me in... I'm too sick and will cost too much money for them.  The end. 

Sadness.  For a baby who isn't even here yet.  Anger that so many teens are able to get pregnant without even trying, and then the baby is a huge burden to them.  Jealousy over married couples who can decide one day to have a baby and then go ahead and do it without talking to the whole world about it first and getting permission (please don't take offense... I don't mean anything personal).  Anxiety to have to wait until January 1st, 2012.   

What if we find out, after all that time, that we can't have kids anyway, like so many heartbroken couples?

I spent so much time researching my health, the baby's health, pregnancies with lupus, making and go to doctor's appointments, and dreaming... that I just assumed health insurance would go our way.  No, why would it?

And we found out that in order to adopt our little baby girl from India, we need to be married for 5 years.

I'm sure Heavenly Father does want us to have a little one, but just not right now. 

President Uchtdorf said this:

Patience is a process of perfection. The Savior Himself said that in your patience you possess your souls. ¹¹ Or, to use another translation of the Greek text, in your patience you win mastery of your souls. ¹² Patience means to abide in faith, knowing that sometimes it is in the waiting rather than in the receiving that we grow the most. This was true in the time of the Savior. It is true in our time as well, for we are commanded in these latter days to “continue in patience until ye are perfected.” ¹³

^{Somday, I will be a mother.}

                







 

 

"Prepare Every Needful Thing"

Yesterday was amazing.  Raining hard, thunder and lightning storm.  Perfect day off with my honey bunches!  Speaking of honey bunches, Charles mentioned that he wanted to go buy this amazing cereal he'd discovered while living on his own. R a i n b o- Mallows are the best of both worlds!  Fruit Loops WITH marshmellows mixed in.  This sounded too good to be true, so I agreed we should go find this cereal.  But I made one request... that we go see what Macey's caselot sale was all about.

And thus our food storage began...

I got all into it!  Probably spent too much all at once, but hey!  We're not going hungry when the big earthquake happens!  Seriously, I've never been that excited about buying food.  I went crazy! 

But I feel like I got a good deal.

Come visit us if you need food!

Want to hear about the deals I got?  I really just want to blog about it, so here it goes:

Chef Boyarde Raviolis (5) - $6.25

Milk powder you can add water to that is good for 20 years! - $11.99

Hunts Sauce (4) - $3.50

Macaroni (2) - 3.50

Spaghettios (12) - $7.92

Ramen Noodles (8) - $1.00

Canned Corn (12) - $5.64

Canned String Beans (12) - $5.64

Fruit Cocktail (12) - $9.48

Pineapple (2) - $2

Mandarin Oranges (3) - $1.29

Chili (12) -$9.48

Tomato Soup (12) - $5.88

Chicken Noodle Soup (12) - $5.88

Tuna (5) - $3.45

Water 3 liters (2) - $2

Mac and Cheese (5) - $3.50

And we couldn't forget these.  

Charles assured me they are the most important part of food storage

(even if they only last for maybe a month!)

     Anyway, all of that, plus a couple of other groceries we needed, for $101! 

It says we saved $55.36.  Can I just say how much I love that they put that on receipts? 

I'm Pretty Lucky

I have a home with a big front window (that we will eventually own) to decorate...

Money and time to make crafts, which I love doing...

A great job...

A loving family...

Amazing friends...

A temple so close to us, something I took for granted now that Ogden Temple is going under construction for 3 years... 

And the best husband anyone could ask for, who takes me there often.

I'm pretty LUCKY!!!  Or should I say BLESSED?