Personal Progress (Virtue #1)

In my last post, I said I wanted to got my Young Womanhood Medallion by the time school starts again in the fall.  I think it's totally doable since leaders don't have to do as much as the girls!  I decided to keep my Personal Progress journal here (for the most part) in order to hold myself accountable to more people than just myself!  So, here we go...

Virtue #1
Virtue is a pattern of thought and behavior based on high moral standards. It includes chastity and purity. The power to create mortal life is an exalted power God has given His children. He has commanded that this power be used only between a man and a woman, lawfully wedded as husband and wife. Study the meaning and importance of chastity and virtue by reading Moroni 9:9; Jacob 2:28; “The Family: A Proclamation to the World” (see page 101); and the section on sexual purity in For the Strength of Youth. Also read Article of Faith number thirteen and Proverbs 31:10–31. In your journal write the promised blessings of being sexually clean and pure and your commitment to be chaste.

Moroni 9:9 - Chastity and virtue are most precious and dear.
Jacob 2:28 - The Lord delights in the chastity of women
Proverbs 31:10-31 - If... you have virtue, Then... you are valued; trust is built in virtuous relationships; a woman should be a hard worker, have strength and honor, wisdom, kindness, not idle away her time, revere the Lord, give freely of herself... and her child shall call her blessed and her husband shall praise her. 
The Family: A Proclamation to the World - Marriage between man and woman is ordained of God, gender is an essential characteristic, we must have ordinances or the temple to return to God (and be worthy to receive those ordinances), procreative powers are meant to be used only between a husband wife who are lawfully married, celestial marriage is essential to His eternal plan, children are entitled to birth within the bonds of matrimony and are to be reared by a father and mother who honor marital vows with complete fidelity.  Those who violate covenants of chastity will stand accountable before God.
For the Strength of Youth - Sexual Purity - Physical intimacy is beautiful, sacred, ordained of God for two reasons: to procreate and to express love.  Listening to promptings will give you protection from spiritual, physical and emotional damage.  Pay attention to the promptings of the Spirit before it withdraws from you.  The Spirit will let you know when you're at risk and give you strength.
Article of Faith #13 - We believe in being chaste and virtuous.  We seek after virtuous things. 

Blessings: Peace of mind, heart, and body.  Trust.  Good relationship.  Favored of God.  Don't have to worry about legal situations, unwanted pregnancies, being caught, possible divorce, diseases.  True happiness.

My thoughts: This was something that I personally struggled with in my dating years.  I had a very strong testimony, I was extremely involved in church, I loved firesides, I went to EFY at ages 16 and 17, and I considered myself very spiritual.  But, I loved my boyfriend, too!  And there is a reason the prophet says not to steady date before missions.  I sent my boyfriend off to England worthily, but there are many things I would've changed about our relationship and my other relationships that followed after that one ended.  If I could've seen the bigger picture (or payed attention to the promptings I repeatedly felt in my heart and mind), I would've known that playing with fire isn't worth it - you will get burned.     
Fast-forward to 2008 - My sister's marriage all but fell apart when my brother-in-law's poor choices regarding chastity and virtue were revealed in a very public way with the police involved and a story in the newspaper.  He broke her heart.  He lost her trust.  He's been sitting in Utah State Prison since September 2009.   
Being married, I can appreciate what physical intimacy really means.  It's something that only a husband and wife can give to each other in times of need and to feel as close as you can possibly get to each other.  It is not something to be used as a "want" or a bargaining tool; it is sacred.
My commitment: I promise to Heavenly Father, Charles, my future children, and myself that I will remain chaste and virtuous, and I will totally and completely honor the covenants I have made in the temple.

Summer 2012!!!

Feeling much better now that the semester is over!  And I'm pretty sure I got a 4.0 for my first semester of the BSN program, so that's even better!  I'm just waiting for my final grade in that darn power/policy/politics class.  Thanks to those who offered support and encouragement during my many breakdowns.  It really made a difference.  :)   

I'm kind of sad because this is the first year of our married life that we won't be going on a cruise in May. I know, super depressing, right?! Charles should be getting a week of vacation, and we will probably use it sometime in December.  That means we need to make the most of every summer evening we have together!   
So, without further ado, LET SUMMER BEGIN!!!  Woohoo!

Here's my bucket list (so far):

1. Reread "Mockingjay," the 3rd Hunger Games book, and actually finish it this time.

2. Make a mixbook for Charles for our anniversary.

3. Catch up on Vampire Diaries (at least it's not a guilty obsession if Charles watches it with me!).

4. Hike up to Ben Lomond peak.

5. Hike to Waterfall Canyon (preferably with Ginny!).

6. Go to and enjoy myself at Girls Camp.

7. Get my Personal Progress award as a leader.

8. Read and finish the Book of Mormon, which is part of #8.

9. Have a BBQ in my backyard with my high school groupies.

10. Get Ginny trained to be a good dog with the help of Petsmart.

11. Do something awesome for our 3rd anniversary,

although I'm not sure what can top skydiving last year.

12. Paint the walls going down the stairs to the basement.

13. Plant and maintain a garden.

14. Go to Lagoon.

15. Be more positive, less judgmental, and more willing to serve in all areas of my life! 

I have a feeling it's going to be the best summer yet!

Uncut and Uncensored

I'm just going to complain for a few minutes here, and I know that plenty of people have things so much worse than I do, but sometimes life really stinks.

School is insanely hard.  The assignments are actually extremely time-consuming, and I sit at the computer hour after hour on my days off, just trying to come up with something to say on my papers that sounds somewhat intelligent.  And there are soooo many big and little papers, I feel like I have written an entire textbook this semester.  Why did stupid Weber State put the two block classes during the same seven week period?!  Not smart, people!  And to what end am I doing this?  Not a pay raise, that's for sure.  More stressful positions/support roles?  No thank you.

Young Womens is really hard for me.  The girls, as much as I want to love them, are difficult.  I started out as the Personal Progress Specialist.  Ever heard of it before?  Yeah, me neither, cuz it was a made up calling.  The previous presidency was too dang lazy to do it themselves.  I use my own money (heaven forbid I touch the budget) to buy the supplies for the girls to make awesome stuff.  The only thing I ask, is that they go home and write something in their journals to make it "personal" progress instead of "group" progress.  Do they do it?  Nope.  Some have lost their books three times, despite me making church binders for them.  When we have activities in which I ask them to bring their books, and I call/text/facebook reminders to them, do they bring their books?  Nope.  When I ask if I can take them home to get it, they laugh in my face and go lay on the floor in the foyer.  It makes me so angry inside that I am far away from feeling love for them.  They are so clique-y, too which is unfortunate because the nicer girls are those who don't have much.  Enter in the second YW presidency I've worked with - super snotty president who is my age.  What?  You can't handle that some of the girls come from broken homes and have no money?  You can't work with people who aren't good enough for you?  See ya later!  Enter in the third presidency within 7 months.  I got promoted to MiaMaid advisor, and now I'm the Laurel advisor.  Now I have more say in helping the girls plan mutual.  Sew?  Cook?  Craft?  Scrapbook?  No way, that's not cool at all!  I give up.  When I teach, I'm just glad the leaders respond to my questions.  Here's a tip: never ask teenagers to look up a scripture.  Out come the phones, facebook time.

Work is wearing me out.  I've never called in sick so much these last few months.  I worked my extra mandatory on-call shift this past month, and I have another one coming up next week that I will most likely work.  I would love to go part-time, but then benefits would cost so much more.  I've floated to infant unit, medical, and NICU multiple times in the past month!  That's ridiculous!  I'm sick of being around sick kids!  If I'm going to go work, I just want to stay on my unit with my brain-injured children.

Marriage is a lovely thing, but for the past year since Charles has been at Firestone Tires I have felt like I'm still single.  It's my own fault that I choose to work 2 nights per week, so I only sleep with Charles 5 nights each week.  The other nights, he is so exhausted and mad at his boss that he has no energy to do anything, and frankly, neither do I.  His stupid previous boss at Firestone in Roy accused him of something he didn't do.  When Charles showed him the proof that he wasn't guilty, his boss just laughed him off.  No apology.  Then, his boss hurt his back and randomly missed work for physical therapy and doctor's appointments.  Fine, but then the workload was put directly onto Charles.  He was transferred to Firestone in Bountiful, which is a little better because he gets every Sunday off now (thank you, Bountiful for being mostly LDS!), but his boss there hurt his back yesterday(!), and so Charles doesn't get a day off this week.  Instead, he gets to work 65+ hours, which will make for a great paycheck.  But I don't care about the money.  I just want my husband back.  The one that used to laugh and be spontaneous, the one that wasn't constantly stressed, the one that isn't exhausted from waking up at 5 and going to bed late every single day.  I think it would be safe to say that excluding sleeping hours, we have spent more time apart than we have together in our marriage so far. 

Babies.  I want one.  But I can't imagine having a baby and basically being a single mom, on top of working and school.  I think it was a mistake to go back to school.  There's no point to it.  I only did it so I can be a better nurse, but it wasn't necessary.  And babies wear normal people out.  I am worn out every single hour of every single day.  I don't know how we would do it, and would a baby tear us further apart?  More arguments happen when people are tired, which could be why we aren't very happy right now.  I love Charles with my whole heart, but our priorities are just all wrong.  But I feel like if we concentrate on anything other than work, our world will come crashing down. 

A vacation would be nice.  But wait, Charles is using his one week of vacation that he earned after his one year of service to go visit his family at Christmas.  I understand that, and I would do the same if I were in his shoes.  Besides, I'm working both December 24th and 25th this year.  But sometimes, a couple just needs to go to Disneyland or Harry Potter World to regroup and reconnect.

My family is just kind of in a weird situation right now.  But I can tell you that my sister is not coping and could use some therapy for her and Benji Boy.  He is 6 years old; you can't expect the world from him.  I can't take seeing him cry every single Sunday.  And then there's the issue of the sentence being 3 years to life.  Well, the 3 years is up this September, but then there's that "to life" part.  Who knows what will happen?        

The house is a disaster.  I never cook; we have instant meals every night.  Ginny whines and barks at me all the time to play.  But I have no energy.  I can't keep up with life.  It just doesn't seem to have a point to it.  Work, school, homework, not enough sleep.  Day after day.

That's all for now.  I'm sorry if I'm being whiney, but I just needed to get my feelings out somewhere.